Dear Baxter, My Girlfriend Proudly Farts Wherever and Whenever

Baxter,

I have a girlfriend that most guys would love to have. She is perfect in just about every way. She's beautiful, smart, sexy and has a great sense of humor. If fact, it's part of her "great sense of humor" that is bothering me. She finds great sport in farting as loud as she can in public. Doesn't matter where, in church, the grocery store, movie theater, it doesn't matter. What makes it worse is she'll let one fly and look at me like I did it and everyone assumes it's me. Very embarrassing. She finds all this very funny and promises she'll never do it again but she does. Any suggestions on how I can get this to stop?

Eric   Sauk Rapids

Eric,

Wow, sounds like your girl is a hoot, or should I say toot?  Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway about your girlfriends little butt trumpet, you could always slip some Beano into her food.  That would stop the flatulence but she might just come up with a worse way to humiliate you. I once knew a woman that weighed about 90 pounds soak and wet. One night we were in a cafe and, I swear,she lifted a cheek and let one go. It actually made the candle at the next table flicker. Anyway, try the Beano or just learn to live with this and maybe it will pass, sorry again, in time. Hope this helps.

Baxter

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