Dear Baxter, My Nightmare of a Wife is Missing

Baxter,

I sure hope you have some good advice for me.  My wife has made the last 15 years of my life a living Hell.  I can't even begin to explain what a cruel, vile human being she is. Recently she hired a sleazy cut throat lawyer, whom she is also sleeping with, and filed for divorce.  It looked like I was going to be wiped out and lose everything I've worked so hard for.  A few weeks ago she and her sleazebag lawyer were on a cruise and she seems to have gone overboard.  After an intensive search, to no avail, all search and rescue  attempts have been called off.  What do I do now?

Signed,

Greg     Maple Grove, MN

Greg, 

Buy a Lotto ticket!

Signed,

Baxter

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