Guys know all of the different kinds of women out there, and we always keep an open eye for the ones we should avoid, just as women know to avoid certain types of guys. When guys date, we bring with us the knowledge of not only every bad relationship we’ve been in ourselves, but the knowledge of every bad relationship we’ve ever heard about from our friends, from someone’s cousin, from a best friend’s roommate, etc.
What’s important to remember is that, like any caricatures, most women do not fit into any of the following categories. But, there are women that perfectly live up to these nightmarish vision of girls to avoid:
All men fear her, but few have actually dated her. The real her, that is. A lot of the times when men break up with a girl, we tend to get defensive and call our ex “crazy.” The Wacko is the only girl that can be in any way considered “crazy.”
The Wacko can shift from love to pure, maniacal hatred in a heartbeat. The Wacko will stare daggers into your soul, as you watch a movie or TV show in which a hot actress bares all. The Wacko almost seems like she’s actively trying to find a reason to make you think she’s an escaped mental patient.
Like all people, The Destroyer gets mad. Unlike most people, The Destroyer will take out her rage on you and everything you own. A small argument with her is never just a minor disagreement that will blow over within minutes; it’s a duck-and-cover situation in which you have to be very careful about what you say, the facial expressions you make, and your body language. If The Destroyer interprets any of these as being offensive, she will destroy your property.
Have you ever seen a movie in which a screaming girlfriend is tossing her boyfriend’s things out of a window, and he’s dodging pairs of jeans, a laptop and sporting equipment? That’s The Destroyer, and she doesn’t exist in every girl out there, but she’s within some girls. You’ll never know her power, until you say or do something small and rather innocuous and the resulting reaction looks like grainy film footage from a nuclear detonation.
The Rule Setter
The Rule Setter wants you to be you. She doesn’t want to interfere in your life and she trusts you’ll always make the right decision. But, you know, just to help you out, she will supply you with what might as well be a bullet pointed list of things that you should know AND STRICTLY ADHERE TO LEST YOU INCUR THE WRATH OF THE RULE SETTER!
The Rule Setter means well. She doesn’t want to be controlling; she doesn’t want to make you feel like you’re a prisoner and she’s your warden. Her personality is just a byproduct of some crappy relationships from her past, and she doesn’t want a repeat. So, in a case of extreme over-compensation, she wants to be 100% certain that you don’t burn her like so many guys from her past have. She’ll make sure that you’re back home before 10 when you go out with your friends. She’ll make sure that if you drink, you do not drink more than what gets you tipsy, because “it makes you look dumb. In short, The Rule Setter wants to be your mom and your girlfriend.
The Complacent One
The Complacent One is arguably the worst of these caricatures. Just as the name implies, The Complacent One just doesn’t seem to care much. She doesn’t care enough to ruin your life by being bossy; she doesn’t care enough to be controlling and she doesn’t care enough to be an imbalanced maniac. She just drifts along through a relationship while never actually caring one way or another.
The Complacent One is just…there, simply existing but never feeling one way or another about anything. She may not be torching all of your stuff on your front lawn, but her lack of emotional involvement can hurt just the same. The Complacent One proves that sometimes the absence of overtly worrisome signs can be a worrisome sign in itself.
The Train Wreck
This girl is a flat-out mess. The Train Wreck is kind of a catch-all of problems, a mish-mash of daddy issues, trust issues, control issues, and every other form of issues a person could have. She is made up of every girl mentioned above, to varying degrees. It’s almost as if there were an emotional issue buffet table and The Train Wreck loaded her plate with a little bit of everything that can turn her, or any member of either sex, in to a lunatic. And then she got seconds.
This is the girl that will not only key your car and smash out your windows because she noticed that you received a text from a girl who turned out to be your cousin, but she’ll ruin your social life and pollute your social media profiles with accusations of impotence and VD. And, she may even attempt to have sex with one of your best friends to further ruin you. She doesn’t only want to break up; she wants to discredit everything you are as a person and make sure your name means less to the world than the bowel movement’s she produces.
The Train Wreck may be the one girl you will never actually date, because like all of these archetypes, she isn’t as prevalent as most men would like to believe. But she’s out there…and she’s waiting. You may be dating her now and you don’t even know it. You may be the one man in many, many millions that becomes the cautionary tale that all other men will hear and fear.