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Halloween Pumpkin Fails

pumpkin failsBetween your foolproof stencil of Justin Bieber’s face and an endless supply of premium 99 cent carving tools, you probably envisioned yourself minutes away from that dreamy pop star pumpkin glowing all over your neighbors’ jealous faces. What could go wrong?

Everything. One false measurement, too many slices, a couple spilled pumpkin ales and your foxy glowing Bieber just morphed into a festively plump Barbara Walters. You are not alone my friend.

We did some deep digging and soul searching and found other failed Halloween masterpieces that suck almost as bad as yours. Check out our special collection of pumpkins and owners who’ve also failed to reach their true carving potential.

Justin Bieber Pumpkin

crashtestjay, Flickr

We’re pretty sure this artist was aiming for a Justin Bieber carve. Sure we’ve got a few lines of sweeping hair, but who wants to pinch the cheeks of a football shaped head? Not this guy. This ones for all you Beliebers out there.

Twilight Pumpkin

DCINPhoto, Flickr

This artist titled their piece “My Ode to Twilight” so we’ll go ahead and assume Edward Cullen and Bella Swan are somewhere in there. Or at least they used to be before the artist kicked in an actual Twilight pumpkin. Either way, extra points for the bloody ketchup tooth.

Steve Jobs Pumpkin

cadelagarza, Flickr

The late Steve Jobs may have come to appreciate this stern pumpkin semblance of himself. We bet $5 the iPhone 6 will be able to carve a better one all by itself.

Notorious B.I.G. Pumpkin

christopher wallace, Flickr

Carved by someone with the “coincidental” moniker ‘Christopher Wallace,’ this is a grand attempt at replicating the image of Notorious B.I.G. While his features are a bit on the narrow side, maybe it’s hard to find a pumpkin large enough to contain Biggie Smalls. Either way, let’s chop some more Benjamins and scantily clad ladies up in there, shall we?

I’m Ron Burgundy? Pumpkin

yappabee, Flickr

We think this one is supposed to be Will Ferrell’s ‘Anchorman’ character, but honestly we’re not sure. Could be ‘Magnum PI,’ Geraldo, or possibly Hall from Hall and Oates. That’s between the pumpkin builder and his god.

Tanuki Mario Pumpkin

morningstar13

This little number was found appropriately titled ‘My Tanuki Mario with down’s syndrome’. Doubtful that a chromosomal condition was in the artist’s initial plan for Mario’s pumpkin fate, we had to toss our friend in the fail pile. Friends don’t let friends eat Goomba mushrooms and carve.

Obama Pumpkin

juliemar, Flickr

According to pumpkin carver juliemar: “My attempt at Obama … kinda looks like he got socked in the nose and his eyes went goofy but hey, it works.” We don’t know about a fist fight, but it sure looks like those White House recipes for home-brewed beer are coming in handy.

Stabbed Pumpkin

sycamade, Flickr

Yep, we have no idea what this pumpkin was supposed to be as creator sycamade apparently ‘over-carved and it just went downhill from there.’ Just goes to show when life gives you lemons, stab them to death with kitchen tools until they look pretty.

Dog Pumpkin

pophangover, Flickr

Not all folks go for the gusto of celebrity pumpkin carving. People love their pets. They love their pets so much they want them on their pumpkins. With dogs toys in their mouth. Like a.. umm.. err.. a squeeky rocketship. Yes.

Yoda Pumpkin

force1, Flickr

Here we have Yoda. He may have gone a little more Jabba on us here but never forget word of the wise: “Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.” Maybe, or Yoda got depressed, ate many ice creams and salad toppings he did.

Toaster Cylon Pumpkin

soozums, Flickr

As stated by artist soozums, “It started out as a toaster cylon. Ended up looking like what would happen if Darth Vader, Predator, Frankenstein and a cylon all hooked up at a really rockin’ party.” Cylon or not, you and your failed nerd pumpkin are appreciated.

Justin Bieber: Part II Pumpkin”

majidl, Flickr

On to Bieber attempt part deux. Alright, so we yet again have sweeping hair, plus girly lips, and a few more details than the last. We just can’t seem to get lost in the big holes that have replaced those chocolate brown Bieber peepers. We could be falling for Tinkerbell, Ellen, or even half of that cute lesbian couple that lives down the block. Who knows?

Jennifer Lopez Pumpkin

virginiaphotos, Flickr

This pumpkin, titled ‘J-Lo,’ gives us no doubt that Jennifer Lopez herself is sitting before us. Looking classier than ever with her Gucci diamonds, gummy eyeballs and four sets of false teeth, we can’t help wondering if this Puerto Rican pumpkin is the real Jenny come back to the block.

Kim Kardashian Pumpkin

twintips, Flickr

This pumpkin beauty in her long black weave and bikini is none other than beloved reality star Kim Kardashian. Proving that when all else fails with carving, paparazzi photos and fake golden pumpkin boobies will surely save the day.

Snooki Pumpkin

swelldesign, Flickr

This masterpiece was found titled ‘Snooki’, so ‘Snooki’ it shall be. Up on her tan and topped with a Guidette hair poof, the lack of leopard print and fist pumps has us wondering if this is an Italian-American hotel staffer or the Chiquita Banana lady sans fruit bowl.

Michael Jackson Pumpkin

alexnmina, Flickr

Our Thriller-loving hopefuls Alex and Mina noted: “Michael Jackson kinda turned into Neil Diamond, but we still love him.” Agreed. Maybe next time try carving him while rocking a sweet crystal rhinestone glove on one hand. We hear they have magical carving powers.

Homer Simpson Pumpkin

megoo, Flickr

These folks named him ‘Homer’, but we think there may be a circus or two in this pumpkin’s future. The bright eyes and bloated lips make him seem more at home on a tightrope than at Moe’s. Homer post-clown college or not, at least freaky clown pumpkins might still scare the dickens out of little children on Halloween. Good job.

Lady Gaga Pumpkin

cleverbridge, Flickr

Fuzzy boa and vented glasses, all hail miss Lady Gaga pumpkin. The pumpkin who gets a big fail stamp for not being covered in meat with at least 6 other costume changes ready to go. The little monsters will be so disappointed.

Elvis Presley Pumpkin

bcarlson33, Flickr

A pumpkin titled ‘Elvis’ gets kudos for a sweet black rockabilly pumpkin hairdo, with a thumbs down paint job. We vote someone slap a lip snarl on there quick before old broads with gambling addictions start throwing themselves on your Wayne Newton pumpkin stage of a porch.

Herpes Pumpkin

justin p, Flickr

Lastly. Herpes. The worst pumpkin ever.

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