Recently, I was told by my boss that I can’t have a raise until I, and I quote, “Get all the *$#%! morons out of the left lane!” (I think he’s definitely the male version of me.)

I can’t blame him because nothing boils my blood like left lane cruisers but that’s a lot of pressure for me. Right now as I look to my right and to my left, I’m surrounded by morons! How do I possibly get these people out of the left lane?

I've tried honking, even though it’s totally illegal, but it does work. People scatter when you lay on the horn. I've tried pushing people out of the way by getting close behind them and off to the left so they can see me in their side mirror. People hate that and I actually got flipped off twice this morning for doing that.

So, still no luck and everyday it seems we are stuck behind these people who don’t know how to move over. This seems like an impossible task so I may need your help. Let me know of your ideas how this can be accomplished and spread the word about left lane cruisers.

And this Memorial Day weekend, if you’re out cruising in the left lane and you see a girl behind you with her head spinning around and throwing up everywhere, it’s probably in your best interest to get out of the way. I don’t want to go all Exorcist on your ass and plus, I’m just trying to get my raise!