As presidential candidate Donald Trump continues to captivate America's attention with ignorant statements, inappropriate rants, and ridiculous proposals -- one can only wonder what it would be like in Minnesota if he were our governor. Make Minnesota Great Again!

  • Rob Carroll, Townsquare Media
    Rob Carroll, Townsquare Media
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    1

    Wall Across Minnesota's Northern Border

    "A state without borders is not a state." Trump commits to build a wall keeping out the Canucks to the north, and will make Canada pay for it -- until they do there will be a ban on pountine (although he really, really likes fries & gravy which will be allowed). "I will make it happen, eh!"

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    Ban All Cheesehead Travel To Minnesota

    "Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Cheeseheads entering Minnesota until our state's representatives can figure out what is going on." His proposal is met with enthusiasm by many supporters, who showed their approval via social media as well as at his rally on Monday night at Rollie's.

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    All Minnesota Women Expected To Be Beautiful

    "While many Minnesota women are extremely unattractive, I refuse to say that because I always insist on being politically correct." (Off mic, send those dogs to Iowa.) Oh wait, did everybody hear that? "Woof, ha ha ha. Woof."

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    Prince, Bob Dylan Banned From Minny

    "Many people walked out on Dylan's concert when he told them to vote for Obama. Years ago I walked out because I couldn't understand a single word. Talk Minnesotan damn it. I will ban him from our great state. That crap-voiced, purple singin', First Avenue dude too."

  • Tristan Fewings
    Tristan Fewings
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    5

    Summit On Creating More Global Warming Held In St. Paul

    "It's freezing and snowing here -- we need more global warming." Trump also reportedly first governor to have never visited Duluth (we say 'reportedly' because Jesse Ventura did have a book signing scheduled in the Port City, but there are rumors it was cancelled).

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    Minnesota Annexes Dakotas

    "People say you don't like North Dakota. No, I love the Sioux. I just sold an apartment for $15-million to someone from Rapid City. (???) Am I supposed to like them. Really they should be part of Minnesota anyway. I will call the Supreme Court and have them reunite the Dakota Territory. I can make that happen."

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    Iowans Highly Scrutinized Before Entering State

    "When Iowa sends its people, they're not sending their best. They're sending people that have lots of problems. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're bringing cheap, unripened corn. We need to keep a close watch on those Hawkeye loving' weasels."

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    'Minnesota Nice' Redefined

    "People say, 'Mr. Trump you're not a nice person.' But actually I am. Now get that god damn tater tot hot dish outta my face."

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    Minnesota Turkey & Chicken Farmers Suffer Additional Setbacks

    Following the catastrophic decimation of turkey and chicken flocks due to the 2014 bird flu epidemic, Minnesota farmers are dealing with an unexpected challenge -- the pilfering of nests by the hoards of Minnesotans caught up in Trump-O-Mania; using the nests as look-a-like hair dos. Poultry prices on the rise.

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    University of Minnesota Athletics Abolished

    “We need people that win. We don’t need people that lose all the time,” Trump told a Minnesota crowd. “I’ve beaten many people and companies, and I’ve won many wars. I … earned many, many billions of dollars. It’s both a scorecard and an acknowledgment of certain abilities. The Gophers don't have those abilities." Time and again, Trump has never missed an opportunity to boast about his massive success and business acumen. Which is why it’s worth mentioning that he’s declared bankruptcy four times.

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