The Loon Morning Show Rundown: Face Fitness [AUDIO]

As heard on the January 16th show:

1. Strip Club Gets Cleanliness Award

Shocker. That a strip club in Chicago nabbed an award for going above and beyond in the fight against litter and for providing great customer service and going the extra mile for the community. We bet they do. What a happy ending for everyone.

Source

2. Woman Sues Coz Tights Don't Give Climax

You know those commercials where they show a woman having a very pleasurable experience and very sexually charged. Come to find out she's selling digestive yogurt or shampoo. One woman is suing over an ad for tights, claiming false advertising. She thought the tights would make her climax, based on the ads. What do you think?

Source

3. If You Got Rich, Would You Work?

Lucy would give a polite two weeks notice and then travel the world, before coming back to the working world. Jesse would like to deuce on the bosses desk. We all have goals that could be make possible if money was no option. If you became rich, would you go back to work or would you quit forever?

Source

4. Who Drinks What, When, Where, How America

Over 1,000 people were surveyed and 450,000 tweets were analysed about beer, liquor, wine and drinking to find various drinking trends across the 50 states. The findings are interesting. Did you know people tweet more about beer and malt liquor than any other adult bev? And if you partake in the occasional shower beer, you're not alone. A quarter of men admitted to doing it and so did 13% of women.

Source

5. Face Fitness Is a Thing

When your ass sags, you go to a gym. When your face sags, you go under the knife, until now. Skin Gym Fitness just opened in New York City and they offer face workouts. It's not the first time funny faces claimed to give you a lift without surgery. Did you remember those Body Flex videos?

Fitness is so hot right now, so we decided to also start a new exercise that focuses on something that is often overlooked - you fingers. Sweat it out and get those pudgy little digits in shape for all the texting, typing and flicking people the bird that you're planning to do in 2015!

Source

6. Google Glass Pulls Product

Mostly because they make you look like an idiot, they are stupid, and even more stupidly expensive. Do you know anyone who owns a pair of these things? Who the hell just has $1500 of disposable income lying around? Plus, you look like an idiot.

Source

7. Guy Throws Bag of Cocaine on Cop Car During Chase

Of course this story hails from Florida, where all the dumb comes from. A couple of morons ended up in a cop car chase and in their car there was a big bag of cocaine. In an attempt to get rid of it, these guys opened the sunroof and threw the bag out. It ended up landing right on the hood of the cop car behind them. Signed. Sealed. Delivered.