Why I Officially Endorse Alice Cooper for President

Today Alice Cooper threw his top hat into the ring and is officially running for President. I don't care if it's election day in America. This is just what we need in our time of strife. On his official Facebook page he proclaims:

If you need more than that damn fine outfit, remember that Alice rocks a top hat like no one's business and we haven't have a good top-hat-wearin'-wild-man in the White House since Honest Abe. That's good enough for me. You go Alice, you go. If you have any doubts how well Alice would rule, just watch one of his 'campaign speeches'.