Dear Baxter, My New Girlfriend is a Chronic Farter

Baxter,

I recently started seeing a new girl and everything just seemed so perfect. I wondered how a woman as perfect as this could be single. Well, I soon found out. She is a chronic farter.  I don't mean just once in awhile.  I'm talking all the time and they are loud enough to rumble 50 feet in all directions. We were at a club one night watching a band, she let one rip and the band just stopped playing.  I asked her to try and control herself but she says it just means she's healthy. This might be a deal breaker. What should I do?

Signed,

DW     St Cloud, MN

DW,

Wow, that would be a problem. I once dated a woman who had quite the butt trumpet.  I took her to a Ducks Unlimited banquet and she won the duck call competition, by accident. I finally had to end it because she would always scare my dog.  I suggest you either learn to live with it, maybe slip her some Beano or send her packing.

Signed,

Baxter.

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