Go Home Minnesota Winter, You’re Drunk
Today the Minnesota Twins will begin their 63rd season since moving to the frozen tundra of Minnesota from Washington, DC in 1961. Luckily for the Twins (and their fans), they will be playing in Kansas City, where the temperature is forecast to be a more spring-like 64 degrees.
Here in Minnesota, winter has been behaving like that buddy who has had too much to drink and cannot read the room that everyone wants them to go home. Here we are, heading into April, and we have a Winter Storm Watch from Thursday to Saturday.
However, according to my comically inaccurate iPhone weather app (JUST MY OPINION), that isn't the worst of it. Again, according to my phone, we are supposed to get 13 INCHES OF SNOW/WINTRY MIX on Tuesday. Read that again and just try not to throw up.
Even if it is wrong (it probably is) just the IDEA of it is enough to make me want to move to a warmer place, like the polar bear enclosure at the zoo.
I want to reiterate that I have not ruled out the possibility the weather forecast on my iPhone is just done by some sort of random draw similar to a lottery. Earlier this week it told me the high this Sunday would be 57 degrees and I feel comfortable saying that is probably not going to happen.
Certainly even the heartiest fans of winter are completely sick and tired of its shenanigans this year. And spare me the "It's Minnesota, this is what you signed up for" crap. Even though you may be right, this isn't the time for tough love.
So please, winter, call somebody to come pick you up so you can go somewhere to sober up. My nice, sunny friend Spring is supposed to stop by soon and we don't need you lingering around stinking up the place.