Some people just want to watch the world burn. I just want to watch bad drivers crash without hurting anybody else.

Yes, I need therapy.

It's a bit spendy, though.

I keep trying but the money doesn't grow (Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash)
I keep trying but the money doesn't grow (Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash)

One positive that came from me being laid off 5 years ago: less commuting. I had been driving from Brainerd to St Cloud and back at least 5 days every week. The basically useless warranty for McMurray (my car) was eaten up within a month.

For five years, I didn't have a commute longer that 10 minutes. Now that I've moved to the cities and returned to radio in St Cloud (genius, I know!) that 2-hours-of-daily-commuting is back, and so is my road rage.

Since I finally have an outlet for said road rage, buckle up! Here comes the only therapy I can afford!

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Jerkface Driver #1: The Anakin

"You underestimate my power!"

Nerds will know where that line comes from; if you're not a nerd, it's a line from arguably the very best Star Wars movie in the entire franchise: Episode VIII: The Last Jedi. It's said by Anakin Skywalker right before he gets relieved of an arm and both of his legs by Obi-Wan Kenobi.

This scene, for reference:

I was driving home to the cities from St Cloud one day, and reached a part of my commute where I turn off into a cloverleaf interchange. It's a sharp turn right when you reach the off-ramp.

Cruising up behind me was a jerkface in some small compact car. I couldn't tell exactly what it was because:

  1. I was driving
  2. It was raining

Instead of doing the smart thing and slowing down with traffic, jerkface decided he absolutely HAD to get around me ("You underestimate my power"). So he tore-a$$ around me while I was in the turn lane, whipped back into the turn lane, and then left himself zero inches to slow down and turn. He proceeded to take out the road sign suggesting an off-ramp speed, drop into the deep ditch behind said road sign, then Dukes of Hazzard himself up and over the on-ramp just down the road. Fortunately, he didn't take out any other vehicles; just himself.

Hurricane Ida Makes Landfall In Louisiana Leaving Devastation In Its Wake
Kinda like this, but with a compact car instead of a compacted car (Getty Images)

Despite the clear signs (and road conditions) to not do exactly what he wanted to do, he did exactly what he wanted to do...and Anakin-ed himself.

Fans Attend The First Day Of Scarborough Sci Fi Weekend
And now he has to take a bus (Getty Images)

Stay tuned for Part II of the Choad Rage Series: The Pacesetter!

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