If I Ever Die (Knock On Wood) These Are My Last Wishes (Satire)

I really have no plans on leaving the planet anytime soon but it never hurts to be prepared. After bombarding my immune system with every bad thing under the sun, I could quite possibly live forever. Every day is boot camp for my immune system.

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Just in case I've calculated incorrectly, which is more than likely, a few last requests should be on the record in the event of my demise. In reality, we are all dying a little each day. So it's good to write down your final wishes.

I just have a few simple requests and if they fail to be met, I will haunt your butt forever.

My Last Wishes

If I should drop dead at work, which is highly likely, I don't want a commemorative plaque or anything. Just a permanent chalk outline where I dropped.
I would like my obit to simply read "He has relocated to an unknown frequency"
If on life support, just keep unplugging me and plugging me back in to see if that brings me around.
Immediately after cremation, take my ashes to Hollywood and find Selma Hayek. Sneak up and throw my ashes on her. This will be "our moment".
If #4 isn't workable, my next choice would be to dress me up in a Superman costume and throw my body out of a Cessna over downtown. This will get me in the newspaper.
Pay off all my outstanding debt with Monopoly money (whatta they going to do?)

Simple requests. I'm taking any additional suggestions