Should I Ever Die (Knock On Wood) These Are My Last Wishes (Satire)

I really have no plans on leaving the planet anytime soon but it never hurts to be prepared. After bombarding my immune system with every bad thing under the sun, I could quite possibly live forever. Every day is boot camp for my immune system.

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Just in case I've calculated incorrectly, which is more than likely, a few last requests should be on the record in the event of my demise. In reality, we are all dying a little each day. So it's good to write down your final wishes.

I just have a few simple requests and if they fail to be met, I will haunt your butt forever.

My Last Wishes

• If I should drop dead at work, which is highly likely, I don't want a commemorative plaque or anything. Just a permanent chalk outline where I dropped.
• I would like my obit to simply read "He has relocated to an unknown frequency"
•  If on life support, just keep unplugging me and plugging me back in to see if that brings me around.
• Immediately after cremation, take my ashes to Hollywood and find Selma Hayek. Sneak up and throw my ashes on her. This will be "our moment".
•  If #4 isn't workable, my next choice would be to dress me up in a Superman costume and throw my body out of a Cessna over downtown. This will get me in the newspaper.
• Pay off all my outstanding debt with Monopoly money (whatta they going to do?)

Simple requests. I'm taking any additional suggestions