Will You Sign Up For a Chuck E. Cheese Subscription?

Can't we just buy things anymore? Everything's a subscription, now. Even radio jocks' longtime favorite audio editing program - Adobe Audition - can't be simply purchased anymore. We have to sign up for a subscription.

Are you a far-too-regular at Chuck Entertainment Cheese's? It's a little less weird if you have kids. Either way, you can now sign up for one of three subscription tiers to maybe save a few bucks.

The Chuck E. Cheese Subscription Plans

Gimme all your money! (Getty Images)

Any of the subscription plans lets you visit every day (because who DOESN'T want to be there every day?!) and bring up to six family members (no word on if they card everyone to make sure y'all are family). There are three tiers of subscriptions to match how good of a parent you are [??].

#1: Bronze (the Barely-More-Than-Minimum-Effort parent)

This tier gets you 40 free games per visit and a 20% discount on most food, drinks, and bonus games

#2: Silver (the I-Care-But-Not-Too-Much parent)

This tier upgrades your parenting to 100 free games per visit and a 30% discount on most-but-not-all food, drinks, and bonus games.

#3: Gold (the This'll-Finally-Shut-Them-Up parent)

the gold standard for showing your kids how much you love them will get you 250 free games per visit and a whopping 50% discount on food, drinks, and bonus games that you don't really want.

Even A Rat Has a Catch

You can't just go month-to-month: to get the best deal, you have to pay for the entire year, and you'll have to go a LOT to make the...investment?...worth it. Chuck does offer monthly passes, but you don't get the same deals.

The "E" in Chuck E. Cheese now stands for "Extortion", and that's today's Sign of the Apocalypse.