I admit, I'm not much of a gym guy. My first wife (training wife) bought me a membership many years ago. My first day, I swear, the trainer was trying to kill me. I couldn't lift my arms for 2 weeks. Enough of that. No pain, no pain.

If you are looking for a reason to drop your gym membership, we have some suggestions for you.

No ashtray on the treadmill

You already work up a pretty good sweat thinking about pie.

No nude spin class.

You don't need muscles to get laid, you need a miracle.

You get your quota of dumbbells following politics

In the lobby they hung your picture as a "Before" poster

Peeing in the shower is frowned upon

No pool bar

(Complete Sheet/Bxtr)

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