Minnesota Wedding Season – Might Not Want to Give This Advice

When you get married, a lot of people... almost everyone, actually, will give you some advice on marriage.  This is based on their longevity.  And I think almost everyone will agree that one of the most popular pieces of advice that you will hear is "Don't go to bed angry".

That might not be the most sound advice.

According to Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of Evolve Therapy, Renee Segal, this is the "worst advice ever".

"That's the worst marriage advice ever… 'don't go to bed angry'," said Segal. "Take a break if you can and come back and try to talk about it… and if you can try to talk about it from what's going on with you instead of blaming."

This is true.  Sometimes you need to "sleep on it" and you can come back to the discussion a little more rational.

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This whole conversation came up with a couple that was interviewed by KARE 11 talking about how they are in a "sleep divorce".  Meaning that they are still together, they just sleep in separate rooms so that both of them can get a good night sleep.  They say that sleeping in separate rooms at night has strengthened their marriage and they don't fight about stupid things anymore because neither is suffering from sleep deprivation.  And that also means not blaming the other one for their lack of sleep.

Segal says this practice only works if you are very secure in your relationship.

 ...a sleep divorce only works when couples are secure in their relationship.

"It can be a positive or it can be a negative," said Segal. "But, if you can, I think sleeping together in a general way is better because there is more bonding and connection time."

Segal says when couples are fighting and sleeping in separate rooms that could make matters worse.

Sometimes you do need to figure out what works best for your own marriage and just go with that.