Allow me to preface this opinion piece with: I am not anti-cop. I am not anti-side hustle. I'm definitely not anti-OnlyFans (for...uh, reasons).

If you haven't seen today's outrage, a Minneapolis police officer was outed as an OnlyFans model.

Oh no!

Oh no! (Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash)
Oh no! (Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash)

Minneapolis Mayor Frey isn't concerned. We the general public shouldn't be concerned, either (except that maybe a police officer should make enough to not need a side hustle). There's a question about whether or not she violated the Minnesota Law Enforcement Code of Ethics, but otherwise this should be a non-issue. A nothingburger. But there are side hustles that would concern me as a citizen if a police officer decided to partake.

1) Actor

I think it's a felony to not wear weird sunglasses and a mustache (even women, if my source turns out to not be some random guy on the internet) while on-duty as a cop, so that'll just typecast you into always having to play a cop on the big/small screen. That's just too much cop time; you need not-cop time to rest!

2) The Punisher Cosplayer

In all semi-seriousness, the thin blue line Punisher stickers kinda miss the entire point of The Punisher. A cop cosplaying as The Punisher? That'll just rip a hole in the space-time continuum because Frank Castle didn't even have a mustache.

I searched "The Punisher" and this pic of almonds came up (Photo by Dan Dennis on Unsplash)
I searched "The Punisher" and this pic of almonds came up (Photo by Dan Dennis on Unsplash)

3) A Cowboy/girl

You don't need the possibility of a peace officer forgetting that he's on a motorcycle and not a horse. Motorcycles just don't buck like a proper bronco (???).

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4) A Morning Show Personality

There's a level of stupidity and absurdity required of morning show hosts that's incompatible with life in the police force. We can't risk cops using wacky sound effects and issuing temperature updates while they're patrolling the streets.

I feel pretty Image by Choad)
Exhibit A-Y (Image by Choad)

The fact that this was a woman officer who was outed has me speculating that d-bag male officers are blackmailing her (as Genesis unrelatedly-stated: "...[T]his is the world we live in"), which should be a crime punishable by being forced to host a wacky morning show with no chance of parole/market share.

A side hustle that doesn't harm anyone? Leave it alone.

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