Really? REALLY?

That means you, people sitting behind me in the theatre on Saturday night!

I only go to the movie theatre if the movie has been out for at least three weeks and it's always the late show so I know the theatre will be quite empty. I always arrive extra early and I always sit in the exact same spot, first row behind the bar.

So I'm thinking it's all clear, a few people wandered in and took the seats towards the top. Previews have started and maybe eight people are in the whole theatre.

Oh, but hold on people, we forgot about the jackass couple who was going to be out tonight.  Of course, here they come.

I eyeball them as they enter the theatre and give them the look of death. They don't notice, they're too busy hauling in their trough of food and tank of soda.

Up one step, come on keep going. Nope, they turn into the row right behind me. Okay, fine, but waddle your ass down to the end of the row.

Doesn’t happen, instead they plop down directly behind me. All I can think is, "you've gotta be frickin’ kidding me!"  Almost a completely empty theatre and you two choose these seats?

From here on out all I hear is ice cubes and cola being slushed together, wrappers being unwrapped and the sound of popcorn being smacked between the mouths of two complete jackasses.

I mean, really!

-- contributor Krissy Krabtree