I have met people in my lifetime that like to be called for jury duty. I would not be one of those people. I was once called for Federal jury duty. It was a case of a couple suing their mortgage lender for foreclosing on their house. I was not picked but later ran into one of the jurors that did get chosen and he told me it was the longest 3 days of his life.

If you're like me and get called for jury duty want to get out of it, here are a few pointers that may help you out.

Tell the judge you are sleeping with the defendant's wife.

Wear a t shirt that says "Hang 'Em Now and Ask Questions Later"

Tell all the other jurors, if he wasn't guilty, he wouldn't be here.

Compliment the judge on her rack

Tell the judge that you become visibly aroused when you hear the word "sustained"


Explain that you will most likely pass out once your LSD wears off

Fake a hate crime on yourself on the way to court

Dress like a pimp and tell the court you have to leave because it's "collection day"

Point at your pants and ask "Your Honor, may I POLL the jury now?"

Bring your emotion support cactus

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