ADVICE: Three Things NOT to Do at Your Job...Besides Not Working

"Find a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life" ~ Abe Lincoln, maybe? Gandhi? AI? Dave Overlund? Nah, definitely not Dave-O...

Be friendly, be humble, be there...sounds like sage advice for a happy workplace. Turns out - at least according to a Human Resources "pRoFeSsIoNaL" - those are big red flags that you should avoid in your workplace.

Three Things You Should NEVER Do At Work

This will come as no surprise, but I've spent my fair share of time in the principal's office of work: Human Resources. Something about my temper and swearing at idiots, I dunno. If I've learned anything (and I rarely do), I've learned that people are idiots and don't want to be cussed at when they do idiotic things. I should be a manager. WAIT, I was.

Was.

Here's what NOT to do when you're working.

#1: Thou Shalt NOT Overshare

Don't assume that just because you get along with a coworker, you're now friends. This has gotten me in trouble more than once. You think you've made a friend over a mutual admiration of Motörhead, and it turns out that jerk is not very Lemmy-like at all. He pisses you off, you tell him what he can go do, and instead he goes to the principal's office and tattles on you for being mean to him.

Sharing too much of your personal life can also set you up for office gossip, because people suck.

#2: Thou Shalt NOT Be Humble

Wait...what? Isn't humility a good thing? Oddly enough, if you're too humble you're likely to get looked over for a promotion. Nobody's going to advocate for you, so keep the humility to yourself.

#3: Thou Shalt Not Linger at Office Parties

The normal among us don't want to be there in the first place, but it's good for networking and office morale (as long as you're not a moron...I'm a fun person) if you attend. It's easy to let your guard down outside an office environment (it's kinda the point of getting outside of an office environment), and your non-office persona could clash with someone else's non-office persona...which could cause trouble in-office.

Summary

Adding up those nuggets of advice equals...don't be yourself? Don't be? Keep your nose to the grindstone and be miserable? This advice inadvertently advocates for remote work. It's easier to be ~~boring~~ a humble-but-not-too-humble-person-who-keeps-to-themself-but-still-goes-to-office-gatherings-but-not-for-too-long...online.

Welp, off to the principle's office again.