Dear Baxter, I’m Having Trouble Collecting My Lottery Winnings

Dear Baxter,

A few months ago, I was fortunate enough to win an oversees lottery.  I must say, a windfall of over two and a half million dollars couldn't have come at a better time.  I was growing very tired of my job and upon hearing of my good fortune, I quit and walked out.  I used my final paycheck to pay all those fees that come with winning a sizable amount of money.Since I've paid all my fees, I can't seem to get a hold of the lottery officials. Any suggestions on what I can do?

Paul     St Cloud, MN

Paul,

Gee, the first thing that comes to mind is KILL YOURSELF!  Life is going to be very, very difficult for you, my friend.  But, I have a better idea.  Chances are you are going to buy a huge mansion with your winnings, so as soon as possible, mortgage your current home for as much as you can get and send it to me.  I will then work on your behalf to collect your money.  Sound good?  I thought it would.  I'll let you go now, so you can get to the bank and take care of business.  Hope this helps

Signed,

Baxter

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