Hip Hip...OUCH! I'm a Middle-Aged Old Man Choad

As mentioned by Laura (many times) on the morning show, I have a bad hip. Basically, at age 44 I have the hips of an elderly former professional wrestler.

Just call me FLANNDOLF!

I am FLANNDOLF! (Image via Choad)

I've had a bit of a bum hip since elementary school. Spending my teens, 20s, and 30s in rock bands jumping around like a moron with a guitar or bass strapped over my shoulder didn't help.

Rock pose or grimacing in pain? Why not both?! (Image by Choad)

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I've tried many remedies, short of seeking out a shaman...which is starting to look more appealing with every failed attempt at long-term relief. In fact, my last day on-air before my stint on the injured list was spent battling a moving pain gremlin. Every time I had pain in one spot under control, it would move to a different spot. That was fun.

Just over here having the time of my life...(Photo by Tom Jur on Unsplash)

Here's what I've tried:

Chiropractor

The x-ray showed that my spine is a little...off (Photo by Joyce Hankins on Unsplash)

The ol' bone cracker! The first adjustment I received after my hip problems kicked into high gear actually made me yelp...and then laugh. At first it hurt like heck, but then the relief kicked in and I caught The Giggles. Multiple trips every week helped, but as those bills added up the relief period got shorter.

The next step was a round of sessions on the electronic traction table. You know that meme about how at some point while on a medieval torture rack, there must've been a few moments where it felt AMAZING? It's true. It's so true. After a batch of a dozen sessions, I finally felt normal...

...for two months, then the gremlin returned very suddenly. The ~~torture rack~~ traction table was helpful, but the treatments were expensive (and since it worked, not covered by my insurance. Yay, 'Merica!), so I tried other remedies.

Massage

Get a haircut, hippie! (Photo by Emiliano Vittoriosi on Unsplash)

Specifically, myofascial release therapy. It felt great, but like the chiropractic treatments the relief was short-lived.

Same story with ice packs, ibuprofen, IcyHot, and even THC/CBD pain relief lotion. They'd work day one, then not work on day two.

I have a TENS machine from previous injuries that's managed to find the very specific nerve that's causing my issues. Unfortunately, there isn't a setting that doesn't either hurt like heck or not help. Figures.

For the time being, I'm sleeping on a heat pad and taking - and I'm not lying - OTC menstrual relief meds. It (usually) takes the edge off. And I've taken the fun walking stick that I bought at the Renaissance Festival years ago and started using it for getting around.

Any relief ideas that I haven't tried yet? I'm all ears!