My 2011 New Year’s Resolutions

Since I'm on vacation next week, I'll post my 2011 New Year's resolutions now. I'll try keep you posted as to my progress.
1) I will stop telling people that the beaches at Lake George are clothing optional. Some people are so gullible.
2) When retail clerks ask me if they could help me, I'll stop saying, "Yes, do you prosecute shoplifters?".
3) Stop eating so much junk food and try get back down as close to my birth weight, as possible. Then start over.
4) Take my colonoscopy picture off the fireplace mantel.
5) Quit referring to any party J-Lo has as a "big ass party".
6) Treat my newsguy, Whiskey Dick Nelson, like I think he's a real newsman.
7) Obey all laws (that I agree with).