Loon Morning Rundown: The Decision [AUDIO]
As heard on the January 30th show:
1. Man Will Trade Super Bowl Tickets For Your Wife
In the stylings of Fifty Shades of Grey, a self proclaimed very successful businessman is looking for an attractive, fit woman to be his playtoy for the day this Sunday. The deal is, you drop off your hot wife and this rich guy will give you "free" Super Bowl tickets. This rich dick is willing to pay for everything for the day and all you have to do is drop off your wife (and hope this dude isn't some level of American Psycho crazy).
2. You Could Make $13,000 a Year With Your Poo
Once again another "power of poo" story comes our way. We're all full of it, so why not cash in? A clinic called OpenBiome collects stool samples that are then used to help people who suffer from a painful intestinal bacteria. The best way to fight this bacteria is by introducing healthy poo into the unhealthy poo. Before this clinic started, patients would have to find donors on their own. Imagine that uncomfortable conversation. "Hey, bro. Can I score some of your dookie?"
3. Excuses You Can Use For Being Late To Work Monday
If the old "I slept past the alarm" excuse is getting old with the boss, maybe it's time to up your game. Look, we all wish they'd give us the Monday after the Super Bowl off work, but this is the real world and your boss just isn't that cool. So, maybe you should try one of these creative excuses for running late from Career Builder.
4. Super Bowl Commercials Out Before Game Day
We don't want to ruin it for you, so click the link below at your own risk. Some people love the fact that agencies release their big game commercials online before they're set to air. Some people think it ruins the surprise and fun during the actual game. So, if you want to get an early peek, click the source link below for all the early releases.
5. Red Velvet Oreos
We got our hands on a few boxes of these new confections before they get released to the public. Congrats to Jeff who won his own early tasting and thank you for listening to The Loon! The new flavor and cookie color will hit shelves starting Monday, February 2nd.
6. Super High Me Bowl
Washington is preparing for Sunday by rolling a massive stash of marijuana. A Seattle based dispensary rolled 12,000 joints for their medical users. The packs will be sold in sets of 12 as an ode to the "12th Man", which Lucy learned today is the nickname for Seahawks fans.
7. Americans Eat One Billion Chicken Wings Over Super Bowl Weekend
And we're hungry just thinking about what a pile of one billion chicken wings looks like... and how much celery you'd need. Blue cheese baby pool? Plus, we'll put down twelve tons of ultimate nachos, eleven million slices of pizza and overall 6,000 calories of junk food.
8. Super Bowl Bets
The big weekend is finally here! The loser will have to suffer the consequences as chosen by you, which we will film and then forever make fun of said loser for being a loser. Here's how the bets settle out. Good luck everyone!