It's that time of year. You see people jogging everywhere.

Rumor has it that it's good for you and all that stuff. So is kale, but I avoid that like the plague. A good friend once told me the best way to prepare kale is to put olive oil on the plate with kale. That way the kale slides off the plate easily into the garbage.

Anyway, back to jogging.

If my dead body is ever found along a jogging trail, know that I was killed somewhere else and dumped there.

Here are my five main reasons I don't jog (5 of many):

1. I'm saving all my running for fires and rabid dogs

2. I'd have to buy sneakers with laces, which would involve bending over.

3. I would constantly be passed up by pretentious yuppies.

4. Might have to buy one of those goofy looking jogging suits.

5. Really, I still haven't perfected walking.