Having trouble giving a hoot about the upcoming Super Bowl in Las Vegas? Do you like throwing large sums of money at insane high risk/high reward prop bets? Are you personally friends with aliens, and they owe you a favor?

Read on, Hoss. Read on...

Traditional Super Bowl Prop Bets

Some of the lamer tamer Super Bowl prop bets include:

  • who wins the coin toss
  • over/under of the jersey number (19 1/2) who scores the game's first touchdown
  • over/under on the length of the National Anthem

These aren't for you, Hoss. You're a genuswine hogg cranker who doesn't play by the rules. You need real prop bets that'll make you some Boss Hogg-level money. Bovada is here to serve you, Hoss.

BOSS HOGG SUPER BOWL PROP BETS

#1: will aliens invade Las Vegas and cause the game to prematurely end in a tie? A .1% chance means...there's a chance [Lloyd Christmas.gif].

#2: will the Chiefs win, and Travis Kelse and she-who-shall-not-be-named-Taylor-Swift announce that they're having a baby? There's a 4.8% chance.

#3: will the Chiefs win, Saylor Twift accompany the team to the White House, followed by She-Hoss announcing that she's endorsing Joe Biden for President and then he sniffs her hair? There's a meteoric 2% chance of that all happening. Don't make me LLoyd you, again.

#4: will the 49ers be leading at halftime, but during the Halftime Show Usher invites Sailor Twift onstage to perform "Shake It Off" and inspire the Chiefs to make a comeback and win? 0.1% chance means you'll make bank if you take the bet and it happens.

#5: will either quarterback complete a pass to himself? It happened in the AFC Championship game, so it does happen...1.3% chance it'll happen during the Super Bowl. Yes, there's a better chance of Prop Bet #2 happening than the thing that just happened.

If you want to make money off your hatred of...her...there are plenty of prop bets to peruse, too.

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