funny

Does anyone else hate whistling as much as I do? When you hear someone whistle, does it make you want to dig a shallow grave or is it just me?

A co-worker asked me recently what some of my top reasons would be to call someone a dumbass, so here we go:

I learned something about myself yesterday and I need to figure out if this is bad or not.

Does anyone else hate this as much as I do? What’s with the sack of balls hanging from people’s truck hitches? I always want to pull these people over and ask them what their purpose is in life.

You know how we all want things as quickly as possible these days, right? Well, I think this takes it to a whole new level. That’s right guys, I’m talking about...

Ok…what the hell is going on with this? Summer is barely here and I’m already seeing this horrible fashion trend. Who was the idiot that first decided that he would wear socks with sandals and why are people following this idea?

Recently, I was told by my boss that I can’t have a raise until I, and I quote, “Get all the *$#%! morons out of the left lane!” (I think he’s definitely the male version of me.)

Don’t you just love it when you ask someone to do a task and they give you a ten minute explanation of why they don’t have time? I had this happen to me last week and it took everything I had not to punch this guy in the gut.

One of the many things that drive me crazy is when someone says, “Come here, you have to watch this video.” I instantly think, “Really? Do I? Do I seriously need to come over and watch this dumbass video? Exactly how much time is this one going to waste out of my life?”

Ok, come on. This one is just ridiculous! It’s almost too easy. You know those signs businesses sometimes put out front or alongside the highway or a road? The kind where someone can put the letters on it themselves?

Every year on April 1st, office water coolers are spiked with white wine and computer mouses are glued to desks. Every year on college campuses, half empty buckets of water are placed on the top of dorm room doors and passed out bros are covered with marker ink. And throughout the world, the sound of chuckling and cackling can be heard echoing across its borders.

A week or two ago, I was driving to work and it was extremely foggy outside. It was the kind of fog that made it nearly impossible to see. Just as I was thinking how difficult it would be to notice other cars if they didn't have their lights on, the car that was behind me for most of the commute suddenly decided to turn their lights off.